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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25611271">What Makes Your Perfect Dinner Experience?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBookFreak/pseuds/TheBookFreak'>TheBookFreak</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Percy Jackson and the Olympians &amp; Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Athena and Poseidon arguing a LOT, Does this qualify as crack?, F/M, Family Dinner, HOw cCouLd YOu dO tHis To tHE pOor CaKE, Percy meeting the parents, but idek if I managed that, gone wrong, it's supposed to be over the top and funny, let's just say it has some crack elements, my first (completed) fanfic, no beta we die like men, one (1) destroyed lemon cake</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 09:35:43</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,922</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25611271</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBookFreak/pseuds/TheBookFreak</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Percy and Annabeth are enjoying their lovely (though slightly awkward) dinner with Annabeth's parents on a fully normal Friday evening. Then, completely out of the blue, both their godly parents decide it's time for a visit, and show up bickering like an old married couple. As expected, chaos ensues :') </p>
<p>"Ugh, Barnacle Beard, this is all your fault! Look at that poor cake! It's just like that time when you sunk Atlantis-" </p>
<p>"Hey, Wise Girl. Please tell me this is how your nightmares start. Because it can't be one of mine, I checked. And this can't be actually happening, can it?" </p>
<p>"Sometimes it's hard to remember she's the goddess of wisdom and not dramatic exits. Those are the moments that I'm reminded she's my little brother's daughter." </p>
<p>PS: First story I finished and published anywhere, and English isn't my first language- so don't expect a masterpiece of literature. I'd be super happy if some people would read it and give me some constructive critiscism :3</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, implied Athena/Poseidon (Percy Jackson)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>89</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>What Makes Your Perfect Dinner Experience?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Soo, I actually managed to finish something and post it (pats myself on the back). I've only been trying to do that for years now. In fact, this is an idea I had four or five years ago and I started writing it almost two years ago.<br/>I'm still not really happy with it, since I had a ton more ideas that I had to cut because otherwise this never would've gotten done, but I'd love to write a longer version once I've gotten more experience not just writing stuff but completing it. As I've said in the description, I'd be super thankful for some feedback. No one has read this because I was kind of nervous showing this to my friends (and sharing it with strangers on the internet was - of course - the only logical step), sooo there you have it?</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Ugh, Barnacle Beard, this is all your fault! Look at that poor cake! It’s just like that time when you sunk Atlantis-” <br/>Percy barely had time to register what was happening before his own eyes. A few seconds ago, everything had been more or less fine. He was sitting at the dinner table at Annabeth’s parents’ house on a Friday evening. Frederik, Annabeth’s dad, had insisted to formally meet Percy after he had heard heard the news of him becoming his daughter’s boyfriend. </p>
<p>The first time the two of them had met could hardly count as a proper meeting. Percy and his friends had stopped by in the middle of a quest without any kind of prior announcement, asking for help to free Annabeth, who had been forced to hold up the sky in the titan Atlas’ stead, and fight said titan. You know, just a normal Tuesday in the life of a demigod. Especially if this specific demigod was a child of one of the Big Three, that had a whole prophecy revolving around them (no pressure).</p>
<p>After all of the drama that was the Big Prophecy and the Second Titan War had been sorted out, and he had finally found the courage to kiss Annabeth (and by some miracle, she didn’t punch him in his face for that, he still sometimes couldn’t believe that was reality and not some crazy fever dream), Hera, her royal annoyance, the queen of the gods, had decided to kidnap him, erase all his memories, plant him in a camp of hostile demigods and then expect him to go on a crazy quest to Europe with six other demigods to fight the primordial goddess that was literally mother earth. Even by Percy’s admittedly very much messed up standards, that was <em> not </em> a normal Tuesday. So, getting to meet his girlfriend’s father had been pushed back a bit on his list of priorities.</p>
<p>
  <em> “Ohhh I’m so excited! Little Lord was here already and that was exciting enough, but now the Lord is also here! WhatamIhoingtosaywhatamIgoingto-” </em>
</p>
<p>But, back to the situation at hand. Two Ancient Greek deities standing in the middle of their (sadly not blue, but still very delicious) lemon cake and arguing like there was no tomorrow. Which was, considering they were very much immortal, a very ironic phrasing to use. </p>
<p>“Okay first of all, <em> Owl Face </em>, Atlantis was not my fault at all, that was Apollo’s fault because he was too busy flirting with one of Artemis’ hunters to drive the sun correctly. I was only trying to help, and you know that, you were actually <em> there. </em>” Poseidon closed his eyes and, while massaging his temples, took a deep breath to calm himself. “Care to explain how it is my fault that we landed on the table at this house instead of at the front door? And that we are now standing in the leftovers of a lemon cake?” He flashed a smile at Annabeth’s stepmother. “Sorry about the cake, I’m sure it was delicious. Though I’m sure it would have tasted even better if it was blue.” </p>
<p>
  <em> “Oh, the Lord always has the best ideas! Hey, little Lord, can you hear me? Don’t you think the Lord has the best ideas, too?” </em>
</p>
<p>Instead of reacting in any way, Helen continued to stare at Poseidon open-mouthed like a gaping fish. Just as she seemed to begin to accept that what she was seeing was actually happening and not some kind of sugar-induced hallucination, Athena continued to speak. Maybe ‘shriek’ would be the more accurate description, since what was coming out of the goddess’s mouth was hardly recognizable as words any more. <br/>“Stop putting the blame on others all the time! It was you who flooded Atlantis and who stole my very first tapestry one thousand seven hundred and eight years ago! <em> Don’t you dare think for a second I will ever forget about that!” </em> </p>
<p>Percy was so incredibly done. He too, began to wish for all of this to be some kind of hallucination or a weird dream. He checked discreetly if he was wearing any pants. He was. Dammit. That meant it wasn’t the kind of dream where just now a monster would show up and he wouldn’t be able to fight it because Riptide was always in his pant pocket in pen form, and how was he supposed to get his sword if he didn’t have any pants? Okay, so that meant this was actually happening. Except…</p>
<p>
  <em> “Little Loooord? Can you hear me? … Why isn’t he answering me?? Maybe I need to swim faster! Then he will notice me for sure!!” </em>
</p>
<p>Percy looked around and then leaned over to Annabeth. “Hey, Wise Girl. Please tell me this is how your nightmares start. Because it can’t be one of mine, I checked. And this can’t be actually happening, can it?” <br/>Instead of getting an answer, he just heard Annabeth sigh. “Percy, you are so not helping this situation”, she whisper-yelled at him, still trying to avoid calling the god’s attention to them. “I still haven’t talked to mother after the thing that happened in Rome during and after my search for the Mark of Athena.” Hearing the clear distress in Annabeth’s voice, Percy decided that their godly parents would have to wait for now and turned around to look at his girlfriend. He took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. </p>
<p>“Listen, Annabeth. I know how difficult the last year has been for you. For all of us, actually. But you are the strongest and smartest person I know and nobody can change that.” He let a crooked grin break out on his face. “Not even the Greek Goddess of Wisdom.” Annabeth smiled softly at that. “Thank you, Seaweed Brain. I think I actually needed that.” <br/>Percy was just leaning in to kiss her, when he realized that not only Annabeth’s father and stepmother were in the room, but also both of their godly parents (Athena’s owl-like screeching was kind of a dead give-away). And as far as he knew, even Annabeth’s twin stepbrothers were in the house somewhere. Not the right moment <em> at all. </em></p>
<p>
  <em> “Little Loooooooord! You can’t do that in front of the Lord! Besides, why aren’t you answering meeee? I’m already swimming as fast as I can…” </em>
</p>
<p><em> “How dare you suggest that Arachne’s weaving was better than mine!” </em> Percy had never in his life seen a deity as furious as Athena sounded at this moment. And he had angered more than just a few gods during his shining, glittering career as a demigod. For a second, he wondered if he could pull off getting some popcorn and just enjoying the show, since, for once, the gods’ wrath wasn’t aimed at him. But then he saw the looks on Frederik’s and Helen’s faces and decided it was maybe time to intervene. “Oookay, stop.” He made a time-out sign with his hands. “Dad, Lady Athena, what are you two even doing here? Did something happen? Is it Kronos or Gaea this time?”</p>
<p>Athena immediately fixated Percy with a death stare that would have put the gorgon’s head on her shield Aegis to shame. At least her apparent hatred for him had calmed her enough to stop shouting.<br/>“Those are no joking matters! But no, it’s neither Kronos nor Gaea. No, since this is supposed to be a dinner at which our <em> dear hero </em> Perseus Jackson is formally introduced to his girlfriend’s parents”, she spit out the words as if they had personally insulted her and everyone she loved (if Athena was even capable of love, Percy had never seen proof that she actually was), “I believe that, as Annabeth’s <em> real </em> mother, I should also be present.” </p>
<p>
  <em> “Oh, I’m so tired. I can’t keep swimming. Little Lord? Hellooooo” </em>
</p>
<p>Silence at the table. Percy could have sworn he saw Frederik shaking as Athena reverted to her usual self. He wondered if he had ever even seen the goddess again after she had dropped Annabeth off at his doorstep after she was born. Percy wasn’t even sure she had done that herself. Poseidon then awkwardly lifted his fisherman’s hat as a greeting. There were multiple fishing hooks poking holes through the pockets of his shorts. <br/>“Aaaand I came along to make sure she doesn’t reduce my son to ashes. Or anyone else, for that matter. Hello, Percy.”  </p>
<p>Percy couldn’t even find the energy in him to answer anything after the absolute train wreck of a conversation he had just begun to witness, so he just weakly wriggled his fingers at Poseidon. Annabeth kept staring at the cake with Athena’s left sandal in it as if it was a complicated mathematical equation she only had a minute to solve. Percy figured even that scenario would have been more pleasant for Annabeth than this. She had been nervous enough earlier about seeing the mortal side of her family.</p>
<p>Athena, though, did not seem to notice the tense atmosphere at the table at all. “Well, Annabeth? Is glaring at her feet the correct way to greet your mother?” Without looking up, Annabeth quietly muttered. “Good evening to you, <em> mother. </em>” Then she remembered there were two pairs of immortal feet currently standing in their dessert and she lifted her face to smile at Percy’s dad. “Nice to meet you again, Lord Poseidon.” <br/>At this, Athena gasped, offended. She scowled at Poseidon. “How dare you turn my own daughter against me?” Everyone at the table held their breaths at this accusation. Except for Poseidon. “Why would I ever turn your daughter against you? You’ve done such a great job at that yourself.” He rolled his eyes and turned to look at Percy. “How is your mother, son? I’ve heard something about her being pregnant again? I hope she’s doing well.”</p>
<p>Percy smiled softly at the thought of his mom. “Mom and Paul are both very well. She has given birth by now!” He pulled his phone out of his pant pocket (not the one holding Riptide), scrolled through his camera roll and shoved the device in Poseidon’s face. “Look, dad! That’s Estelle! Isn’t she adorable?” As Poseidon crouched on the table to get a better look at baby Estelle and began cooing at the picture, Annabeth had to stifle a laugh. It was obvious, just now more than ever, where Percy got most of his personality from. Glancing at Athena, who was looking extremely uncomfortable next to Poseidon, Annabeth felt slightly jealous of Percy for getting along so well with his godly parent.  </p>
<p>
  <em> “Awww, Little Lord and the Lord get along so well! That’s probably why they haven’t answered me yet. Little Loooord?” </em>
</p>
<p>As the atmosphere had calmed down a bit, Helen shook herself out of her stupor and addressed the gods. “Why don’t you come down and sit down at the table? I believe it would be much more convenient for all of us.” She grimaced. “Normally I would offer you a piece of cake, but well...” <br/>Athena and Poseidon looked at each other, shrugged at the same time and got off the table. Percy thought it was very fascinating how differently they handled this very simple task. </p>
<p>Poseidon simply sidestepped a bit from the exact spot he was standing in and then unceremoniously hopped of the table. He then smiled at Helen and flopped down on one of the free chairs. <br/>Athena, on the other hand, gracefully lifted her chiton, looked around her feet on the table looking for the best way to step down from the table. After a few seconds she just huffed and went on to magically float to the floor. She then willed the neared chair to move so she could sit. Funnily enough, everyone unanimously decided not to comment. </p>
<p>After both gods were settled into their seats, Frederik remembered something and promptly ran out of the room into his study. Shortly after, he returned with his secret stash of strawberry jell-O with rainbow sprinkles. As soon as she saw what he was carrying, Helen leapt up from her chair and started yelling. <br/>“Frederik! Are you kidding me? I thought we agreed that this excuse of something edible was never, ever to be brought into our house again?” Helen narrowed her eyes and then whispered. “For your sake, I sincerely hope that you haven’t been giving any of that sugary poison to Bobby or Matthew!” <br/>Frederik huffed indignantly. “Of course I haven’t, these are for my emergencies only! When I have to finish grading a semester’s worth of papers in one night for example. The sugar helps me think!” <br/>“Yes of course, only for you to crash and sleep a full day afterwards!” Helen countered. </p>
<p>
  <em> “Little Lord, I have seen the smaller ones eating that colourful solid water! Little Looooord, I have valuable information!!” </em>
</p>
<p>Surprisingly, Athena was the one to end the fight between them. Even more surprisingly, she did it by briskly grabbing one of the jell-O packets and starting to dig into the multi-coloured monstrosity. <br/>Hesitantly, Percy was the next one to reach out and open a packet. Annabeth immediately worried for his already very overactive ADHD brain, but then decided there were more serious matters to worry about and got a jell-O for herself. When everyone else had followed their examples (even Helen begrudgingly started eating) she decided it was time for a new topic. <br/>Before she could come up with one that wasn’t a mine field (really no easy feat) Helen beat her to it. “Does anyone know what the weather will be like tomorrow? Today was rather glum, and I’ve been hoping for some sunshine...” </p>
<p>Poseidon looked up from his jell-O (just like the lemon cake, he was a little disappointed it wasn’t blue-coloured, but the rainbow sprinkles were rather awesome, in his opinion). “Oh, I’m not exactly sure, but I could ask Aeolus very easily, if you’re interested. Or ask Apollo to drive his sun chariot a little closer to California tomorrow, though he already does that quite a lot and it might just scorch some of your forests. Or, since I control most bodies of water, I could try making my own-” </p>
<p>
  <em> “Heey, Little Lord! Look at how fast I can swiiiim! And look at how pretty my fins are! Oh, please just notice me! Helloooo…” </em>
</p>
<p>He was interrupted in the middle of his sentence by Percy. “Someone please tell me how to make that fish stop talking.” <br/>This made everyone stare at him in utter confusion. “Would you please care to elaborate?” Athena asked him with a raised eyebrow. <br/>“Sure. Directly behind you, Owl F-, I mean-, Lady Athena, next to that book by whatshisname, there’s a goldfish. And that goldfish has been talking to me all evening.” Percy sighed. “It was already bad before you guys showed up. But now that Dad’s here, the little guy is going crazy with nerves. Can we please somehow calm him down and get him to another room? I’m gonna go insane soon.” </p>
<p>Poseidon just looked at him slightly confused. “Percy, you do know that you can just blend that out, right? Just think of the fish talking as background noise and it will fade eventually.” <br/>Percy just looked at his father, exasperated. “Exactly that is the issue, Dad. My brain just doesn’t allow me to get a break from background noise. It’s exhausting.” He sighed. “Helen, could I please get a bowl or something? I’d like to move our little friend to the kitchen, if that’s okay. I’d put him in the sink, but I… I am sure I would somehow accidentally flush him down the drain.” </p>
<p>After the got said bowl from Annabeth’s stepmother, he willed the water from the goldfish glass to float through the room (fish included) and gently let it fall into his bowl. The gold fish was so excited to finally have the Little Lord’s attention that he barely noticed getting outside of his bowl and over everyone’s heads and the dinner table. <br/>As Percy walked towards the kitchen, the others could her him murmuring softly to the fish, apologizing for not answering him earlier, and complimenting him on his beautiful fins and his fast swimming skills. <br/>When he came back from his mission, Frederik suddenly seemed to remember that it was Grilling-Percy-For-Information-Day. </p>
<p>“So, Percy. What are your plans for the future?” He couldn’t have started with an easier, more specific question? Percy struggled to form any coherent thought, let alone a functioning sentence. <br/>“Well, um. Currently I’m studying to graduate high school, which is kind of stressful after fighting at the center of two wars, but oh well. After that, Annabeth and I are going to go to college in New Rome together.” Nailed it! He mentally pat himself on the back. </p>
<p>“New Rome!” Frederik furrowed his brows. “Is that anywhere near Rome? As in… Italy?” Annabeth cleared her throat, while squeezing Percy’s hand for support. “Oh no, it’s in the Bay Area. Next to the Roman camp there’s a city where demigods can live in peace.” Frederik looked as though he was going to ask a few follow up questions, probably something like ‘What’s wrong with studying at Harvard?’, but Athena beat him to it. </p>
<p>“Why would you want to go study at that place? As my daughter, you have nothing to learn from that Roman scum.” Athena sounded genuinely surprised and slightly offended. “Surely Harvard would be the more sensible choice?” <br/>“Because it’s the only safe place for demigods to live without constantly being overrun by monsters?” Before either of the demigods could argue any further, Poseidon started going on a rant. <br/>“It’s not like I particularly like the Romans either. They have never given me the proper respect like the Greeks always- well, mostly- have. But unlike you I actually care about my children’s well being.” He cleared his throat. “In this case, again, I even care more about your child’s well-being than you seem to do. Ever asked yourself why that is?” </p>
<p>Athena stopped with a spoonful of jell-O on the way to her mouth. “Are you serious, Kelp Head?” She aggressively waved her spoon at Poseidon, before realizing that she almost sprayed everyone at the table with rainbow jell-O. “You’re starting this debate again? You know I am never going to change my mind regarding this matter!” <br/>Oh boy, Percy thought. Just when everyone had calmed down for a second, there they went at it again… </p>
<p>Poseidon snorted. “As if I was ever expecting you of all people to ever admit you were wrong about something!” He looked as if he could start throwing jell-O at Athena every second. What was even worse, was the fact that even with that observation, he was the calmer one of the two gods. <br/>“I will not stand by idly and watch my daughter throw her life away with one of Fish Breath’s children. She can do so much better when it comes to choosing a partner! Annabeth, I really would have expected you to choose wiser than… this.” Athena shouted. “As I have already told you years ago, Perseus, I do not approve of you being around my daughter. And I never will.” <br/>Poseidon had just opened his mouth to answer when he was interrupted by Helen. </p>
<p>“I am not at all sorry to say this, Lady Athena, but you have no right to interfere with your children’s relationships. No matter if you’re an ancient Greek deity that shouldn’t even exist or just a normal mother. Instead of lecturing Annabeth on what kind of boyfriend she should choose, you could use your oh-so-valuable time to notice what a wonderful boy Percy is. I have only met him twice to far, but it is as clear as day to me. Most importantly though, he makes your daughter happy! That’s what’s most important about a relationship, and not if you get along with his father! So, Athena, would you please be so kind and shut up or I’ll have to ask you to leave my house.” </p>
<p>The reactions to that speech were… varied. Frederik was looking at her with a love-struck expression on his face. Both Athena and Annabeth stared at Helen open-mouthed. Athena, absolutely flabbergasted. Annabeth, shocked, but maybe in a positive way? Percy wasn’t exactly sure how to interpret that expression on her face. He himself had started to warm up to Helen over the course of the evening and had just decided that he liked her. Poseidon just winked at her, which made Athena huff in annoyance. </p>
<p>“Stop flirting with every human woman you come across and do something useful for once in your immortal life!”, she hissed. “Like what, help you destroy the only chance at happiness my son and your daughter have? Sorry, but that’s not happening.” <br/>Athena just glared at Poseidon in response. “I am not having this conversation, especially not in front of these mortals.” With that, she stood up from where she was sitting and disappeared, leaving only an olive tree behind which definitely hadn’t been there before. </p>
<p>“Sometimes it’s hard to remember she’s the goddess of wisdom and not dramatic exits. Those are the moments I’m reminded that she’s my little brother’s daughter.” Poseidon made a face while looking at the chair Athena had been sitting on just seconds before. He then smiled at Annabeth. <br/>“Do not worry Annabeth. I have known your mother for millennia now and this is not the first time she was disapproving of one of her children’s life choices. She will come around sooner or later and try to make peace with you.” Poseidon stood from his chair and brushed of non-existent dust off his beach shorts. Nobody heard him mutter a faint “Hopefully, at least.” </p>
<p>“Now, I should probably leave you to the rest of your dinner and make sure Athena doesn’t burn down Olympus in a fit of rage. I wouldn’t put it past her to try and get Ap-” Poseidon stopped himself, then carried on pretending nothing had happened. “Get Hermes’s help with that and I’m sure my dear sister Hera would not approve of the family being in disarray.”  </p>
<p>Annabeth pulled a face at Hera’s mention, but was wise enough not to comment. Poseidon stood from his chair, shook a surprised Frederik’s hand, kissed the hand of an even more surprised and blushing Helen, nearly crushed Percy and Annabeth in a bear hug, then waved at everyone and vanished into thin air. The only thing left as proof of his appearance was a faint scent of sea breeze. <br/>Everyone was sitting in stunned silence, until Helen decided enough was enough and that it was time to get on with the non-godly part of their evening. But before that, she had one more question to ask. </p>
<p>“Is it just me or does there seem to be quite a lot of sexual tension built up between those two?” Annabeth looked at her in horror for a few seconds, then started giggling uncontrollably. “Oh gods, that would actually explain so much.” Percy joined in with Annabeth’s laughter. “Maybe that’s the reason there’s so many relationships between their children”, he wheezed. “But let’s quiet down, they might just come back if they hear this.” </p>
<p>Everyone at the table immediately sobered up and shuddered. Frederik was the first to speak. “Let’s not be the cause for Athena’s wrath twice in one evening. That’s too much stress even by a university professor’s standards.” He paused for a second and grinned at his wife sheepishly. “Anyone want any more jell-O?”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>If anyone managed to get to this point, thank you so so so so much for reading! &lt;3</p></blockquote></div></div>
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